Friends · Letter 52
The gift came with a price tag
Fictional editorial letter
Dear Duck,
My friend gave me a beautiful scarf. I thanked her, wore it to lunch and sent a photograph. Since then she has mentioned its price four times.
Yesterday she asked whether I had looked up the designer. I said no. She sent a link with the price circled.
I like the scarf. I like my friend. I do not know what additional gratitude costs, but apparently I have an outstanding balance. What am I supposed to say?
— Grateful, Apparently Below Market Rate
Dear Itemized Recipient,
You are supposed to wear the scarf. You appear to have completed this demanding assignment.
Tell her, “I love it, and I appreciate you thinking of me. When you keep mentioning the price, though, I feel as if my thank-you hasn’t been enough. Is there something you want to tell me?”
Then let her answer. Perhaps she overspent and regrets it. Perhaps she hoped you would recognize the designer. Perhaps she was raised in a household where affection came with a small laminated certificate of retail value. Find out before constructing a complete theory of her personality around neckwear.
You do not need to spend the same amount on her next birthday. Nor must you wear the scarf to every event she attends, like a visiting ambassador carrying proof of a treaty.
If she says she simply wanted you to know it was special, say you understood that when she gave it to you. The circled price has now received adequate circulation.
And if she expects a particular favor or an equally expensive gift in return, that expectation needs to be discussed plainly. It was not included in the wrapping paper.
A sincere thank-you is not a deposit on a lifetime of applause.
Keep the scarf if the conversation settles things. If it becomes an admission ticket to further demands, you may return it kindly and stop accepting expensive gifts from her.
Do not send a photograph of yourself checking the market price each morning. We are trying to end the performance, not give it a wardrobe.
Answered by Lady PetronellaTact was not included in the inheritance.