THE ADVICE DESK OF THE SEVEN PONDS
Human problems. Duck judgment.
Ask a duckYOUR HOST · LADY PETRONELLA
Lady Petronella runs the advice desk. Valentino, Dame Willowfeather, Peregrine and Honorius contribute their particular forms of judgment; Sergeant Pelican visits when procedure has got out of hand.
The Quacktician keeps his cards and dreams in the reading room.
START HERE · FICTIONAL LAUNCH LETTER
“I have been manifesting a better job for months, but nothing has happened. Is Mercury blocking me?”
Read Petronella’s answerA selection from the desk. Browse all 52 published letters.
Friends · 52
My friend gave me a beautiful scarf. I thanked her, wore it to lunch and sent a photograph. Since then she has mentioned its price four times. Yesterday she asked whether I had looked up the designer. I said no. She…
Lady Petronella · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerFriends · 51
I entered our neighborhood baking competition with a cake from a recipe my friend gave me. I won first prize. When the organizer asked where the recipe came from, I panicked and said, “It’s a family secret.” My…
Lady Petronella · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerFriends · 50
My friend lent me a novel that “changed her life.” Every time we meet, she asks which chapter I’ve reached. I have been on page forty-two for six weeks. When I said it was slow, she looked wounded and told me the…
Dame Willowfeather · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerFriends · 49
I invited eight friends for dinner. My husband has introduced registration forms, an agenda and a quorum. The lasagne is getting cold.
Sergeant Pelican · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerFamily · 48
Yesterday was Son’s Day. Three years ago my mom wrote a nice post about me. Yesterday she only messaged me a link to that same old post. I guess I’m an orphan now. Being reminded that she was once proud of me, with…
Lady Petronella · Reader letter, edited and published with consent
Read the answerLove · 47
My husband has named his penis Sir Reginald and announces when “the gentleman” is in the mood. I love him. I do not want a third person in our bedroom, especially one who speaks in the third person. How do I tell him?
Valentino · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerLove · 37
My wife says she loves pets. If I get a pet duck, do you think I’ll get more action in the bedroom?
Valentino · Reader letter, edited and published with consent
Read the answerFriends · 38
My friend sent a color-coded itinerary for our beach weekend. Breakfast is at 6:15 a.m. and “spontaneous fun” has a 22-minute slot. Can I just go to the beach?
Lady Petronella · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerWork · 39
Our office collects money for every birthday. I have contributed to seventeen cakes this year, including for people I have never met. May I stop?
Honorius Honk · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerLife · 42
I sent a rude message, then blamed Mercury retrograde. My friend wants an apology. Can I explain that the timing was astrologically terrible?
Lady Petronella · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerFriends · 41
My friend left her sourdough starter with me for a weekend and sent a three-page care guide. She is now extending her trip. Am I obligated to keep feeding it?
Peregrine Mallardmoor · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerFamily · 40
Every time I post a photo, my mother comments “Beautiful! Call me.” My friends now think I am missing. How do I ask her to stop without hurting her feelings?
Dame Willowfeather · Fictional editorial letter
Read the answerTHE LETTERBOX
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