Love · Letter 37
The pet duck proposal
Reader letter, edited and published with consent
Dear Duck,
My wife says she loves pets. If I get a pet duck, do you think I’ll get more action in the bedroom?
— Lascivious
Dear Lascivious,
As a duck, I object to being entered into the household budget under “foreplay.”
Your wife said she loves pets. Ask whether she actually wants a duck. If you both do, give the duck a good home for its own sake. Then ask your wife what makes her feel wanted, and listen to the answer. These are separate conversations, though I admire your ambition to solve both with one purchase.
A duck may improve the mood. It cannot do your flirting for you.
Answered by ValentinoAffairs of the heart. Strict closing time.